Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Taking care of a loved one with dementia




 "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein

  I've had the privilege of taking care of my grandmother for the last two weeks. It has been an enlightening experience. I would like to share some insights for those who are going through a similar situation.
  My grandmother is 97 is years old. She has moderate dementia and is not able to ambulate. Due to her dementia, her mind is often struck by unpredictable concerns. She conjures up elements of the past and threads them into  imaginary situations (delusions).
  Delusions cause fear, anxiety, frustration and anger, but I found ways of reassuring her amid these imaginary "situations" that her mind creates. In doing so, I prevented her from dwelling on thoughts that were scary and disturbing to her.
 One day she told me there was a river close by. She was deeply worried because she did not know how she would cross that river. I told her that somebody had built a beautiful bridge. Now it would be safe and easy to cross the river together.
  The river was something she imagined. The bridge was a solution I created in response to her concern over the river. She agreed with me that now there was no need to worry and soon forgot about it.
 On a few occasions she asked me about her sister. The truth is her sister died a few years ago, but I did not remind her that she'd passed away. It would have caused more distress and anguish. During the last few years of her life, her sister had been mean to her because she was afflicted with dementia herself. Hence, I decided to focus on the times when they were inseparable friends. My grandmother smiled --her sister's love came back to her like a wave.
  My grandmother has a recurrent obsession now: she says she bought a pair of shoes and somebody has stolen them. I told her I put her new shoes away in a safe box to make sure nobody takes them away from her. She calmed down at once.
   I constantly reassured her by reframing her imaginary reality. I held her hand and we laughed together a lot as I found the funny side of every situation. Laughter is good for the soul.  Bear in mind that your loved one may end up mirroring your own emotions, so make sure you find reasons to laugh together.
   My mother is startled to see how my grandmother's spirits have soared during my stay with her.
   My strategies may not work for every single person with dementia -- my deep bond with my grandmother may have helped in making them successful-- and they may not be effective under all circumstances. Once medical causes have been ruled out (e.g: constipation, urinary retention, pain, infections, etc) medications are necessary if reassurance has failed. But the purpose of this blog post is to simply share my personal experience in dealing with her delusions.
  Another aspect I find interesting and intriguing about my grandmother and any person who has dementia is how they travel across time and space. Their whimsical minds can get anywhere.
  Caring for a loved one with dementia engages your imagination, but there are times when you feel emotionally drained and stressed.
  Don't forget to take care of yourself. Find time to unwind and do things that you love.
  I hope this post will be helpful to those who are facing similar challenges.
Share your experience here.

 

26 comments:

  1. How wonderful that she has you to care for her. You have a huge heart my friend.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Keith. You are sweet.

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  2. I've never experienced something like this, but I think you're wonderful for caring for your grandmother.

    So many elderly people are just deserted in care homes.

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    1. I think people are missing out on an invaluable experience. Thanks, Misha!

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  3. I like the way you worked with your grandmother. I think it is preferable to the practice of correcting those with dementia or telling them that they are wrong. Reassurance is always calming and comforting.

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    1. I agree with you, Nellie. Thanks for commenting.

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  4. Hi Julia .. I think you handled the whole situation wonderfully - well done is all I can say .. just letting them get on with life, as best they can, allaying their fears and joining them with laughter and big smiles ..

    So wonderful for you to share those times ... exhausting, but lovely ...

    A great post - cheers Hilary

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    1. It is wonderful, even though we feel sad or frustrated at times. Thank you, Hilary.

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  5. How interesting. I think you've taught me a lot with this post. Hopefully, I'll never have to deal with it, but at least I'll know where to start if I do.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, Richard. We are always learning...

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  6. That would be so difficult. I can't even imagine.

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  7. Well done Julia. You had just two weeks and were able to make a difference. That's wonderful.

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    1. Thanks, Jean. It's hard to leave her, though. I miss her.

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  8. Glad you are there for your wonderful grandmother! Take care
    x

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  9. Dear Julia,

    I visited your posting at an earlier time. Wanted to reflect upon your thoughtful and caring articulation.

    Your approach to your grandmother's condition is heartening. You showed her unconditional love and with the mixture of laughter, you brightened the life of your beloved grandmother. Much respect and admiration to you. I hope others with a similar experience will pay heed to your kind, caring attitude.

    In kindness and goodwill,

    Gary

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    1. Thank you for your loving words, Gary. Your profound comments are always appreciated. Take care, have a wonderful week.

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  10. Jilda's mom had dementia, and there were days it was brutal. Her mother, who was a kind and loving woman, turned mean at times. Jilda often came home crying, but she helped care for her mom until the end.
    I admire you.
    R

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    1. Kudos to Jilda. It's hard when they make mean comments and they are completely detached from reality. Let me clarify something. There is no reason to admire me, Rick: this is one of my vocations. (The other one is writing). Thanks for your kind comment. Cheers.

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  11. Wow, this is a powerful post. It's a hard job being a caregiver, but not without reward. Your Grandma is lucky to have such a wise, thoughtful grand daughter.

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    1. Miss Anthropy, thank you for your kind comment. Welcome to my blog!

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  12. That's so sweet, Julia! I'm sure your grandmother was very happy that you are beside her during those days. I honestly think you are an inspiration! I hope that others will find time to take care of their loved ones especially the elderly. The way you dealt with her delusions is amazing, by the way. Many caretakers tend to shrug these things and focus on their to-do list, which is truly unfortunate.

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    1. Theodore, thank you so much for your kind words. It makes me happy to know that people find my blog post inspiring. Warm regards,
      Julia

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  13. I admire your patience and dedication in taking care of your grandmother, Julia. Having dementia would be a big problem for your grandmother if nobody was there to aid her. Just as what you wrote, she experiences delusions that causes fear and anxiety, so the last thing she needs is being alone. I am truly happy to read what you have done. Keep up the good work! :)

    Taneka Carl @ Heal at Home Care

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  14. Oh, that's really a heartwarming story. It's the most crucial part of our existence – being able to survive the test of time. I'm so glad that your grandma's able to stand through this chapter of her life, and that you're helping her cope with that. It's also good to know that you're there to fill her days with so much tenderness.

    MapleWoodsAUKPrairie.com

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I appreciate each and every comment. Thank you.